I want to make a difference

Today we rose from the depths of hell and went all the way to the top of the world. It was an experience as unexpected as the slum though completely different. 


I found myself confused beyond all hope by Cite Soleil yesterday, and today did nothing to help me find clarity.
We drove through the city and up a mountain. Along the way the roads varied from rocky, to pavement, to comical (as one had power pylons smack in the middle of the west bound lane and no lines to provide direction as to how to deal with the permanent obstruction) to a mountain trail so steep the truck had to quit and let us off to finish the journey on foot.
At the top of the mountain we found a school that serves three hundred kids (yes, 300.)


They sang for us; we sang for them. Then we broke up and played and interacted with them. My job was to teach guitar to a few kids. Normally this would not be a problem. However I have never attempted this with kids who speak NO english. None. Nada. Zilch. To call it a challenge is an understatement.
But I am a winner and was able to teach a couple of them how to read a chord chart so they could continue learning after we drove back down the mountain.


The drive was long enough to allow for many questions and much reflection.  Yet the mirror remains steamed up and the image is barely recognizable. We are in one of the poorest places in the world. However the people do not seem overly unhappy. Most aren't even hopeless the kids we saw yesterday probably have no concept of the world outside the slum.
Rubble, dirt and dust, garbage and grime, raw putrid unfathomable waste, lines the streets. Walls surround every residence and hotel. Armed guards man the metal gates to allow people to come and go. 


But I remain confounded. The people here are alive. They are filled with a common spirit that defies understanding.


When I was a teenager, I remember looking up at the stars one particular clear night and experiencing an incredible feeling of insignificance. A massive weight was lifted from my shoulders as I stared at the universe and realized that any problem in my life was minuscule in the whole grand scheme of things. I knew that I could curl up and disappear into the cosmos and it would make no difference at all. And to me that was a good thing.


Then I went to sleep. When I woke up I started worrying about college, life, bills and all the other stupid stuff young adults concern themselves with.


This week has brought that feeling back for me. It is still incredible. But in a completely different way. 
As an adult who just last week connected with someone I had not talked to since college, I described myself as completely content and happy in life.


All. Is. Well. 


That is what I said.


This week I realize all is not well. I want to make a difference. 


That incredible feeling of insignificance is back but instead of releasing a weight from my shoulders, it is putting a yoke on them. Yet I do not know how I could possibly do ANYTHING of consequence to help Haiti. I am one person and there are millions of people and 'problems' here.

Dave Livermore