Too Much to Process

Too much to process

One can go online and read vivid descriptions of what it is like being in Haiti. The smells of the burning garbage as you drive through the streets, the feeling of holding the hand of an elderly women who has gone through an incomprehensible amount of struggles in life, or the sight of a group of children in the slums holding their arms up asking to be held because they are so desperately craving love and human contact.

What one would struggle to read about online is the mental feeling of experiencing all these things over the course of a few days and the absolute sensory overload that follows. The best way to describe the feeling is having a month or two worth of moments in only a week. This may sound strange at first but let me attempt to clarify a little.

Imagine as vividly as possible spending time with a close friend or family member. Think about going out to a restaurant, walking a downtown area with activity happening all around, or sitting down and having a cup of coffee. What you are doing with them isn’t the important part, what is important is that in any of these situations there will be a few moments throughout the time you spend with this person that stand out and get etched into your memory. This could be an unforgettable joke, seeing an amazing street performer, or a beautiful sunset in the background as you eat dinner. These are the moments you will smile about a year from now and these same sort of memorable moments are what causes such an overwhelming feeling when returning from Haiti.

While in Haiti it feels as if every moment is one you will remember vividly in a year, every second you are experiencing something you never have before, and each child you hold will change who you are. Each day in Haiti is so dense that the day could be broken down into 5 minute segments and each 5 minutes could be talked about for 5 hours, a thousand-page biography would need to be written to understand the elderly women whose hand you held for only a brief moment, and it would take a lifetime to make the change you want to see in just one block of Cite Soleil.

Upon returning home, taking the first warm shower in a week, and thinking back on the last few days this all sinks in. Your mind starts racing, not knowing what to focus on from the trip as so much happened the last few days focus is impossible. Your friends ask you to tell them about your trip and you know that no one story could give them an adequate understanding of all you want them to be able to understand. This feeling is like no other, while it is overwhelming and a bit scary it is also invaluable and confirms that the lens with which you view the world with has been greatly widened.

The next question you must ask is what will you do with this new understanding of the world and ability to have true empathy for those who are materially poor.

-Kyle Spencer